What do you call someone who can speak three languages?
Trilingual
• • •
What do you call some who speaks two languages?
Bilingual
• • •
What do you call someone who only speaks one language?
What do you call someone who can speak three languages?
Trilingual
• • •
What do you call some who speaks two languages?
Bilingual
• • •
What do you call someone who only speaks one language?
So … Tuesday was my 22,000th day here on Earth. 60 years, 2 months, and 23 days.
22,000 Days is immortalized in the Moody Blues song of the same name.
Now that I am living on borrowed time, as it were, I have decided to form a new club. The 22,000+ Club.
• • •
• • •
Drink responsibly
For background context on this story, you are encouraged to read: Phobos Rising, Jumper, and Rocket Man.
Copyright © 2014 by Christian Bergman, All rights reserved.
All people, places, and events are fictional … except when they aren’t.
Cats on Mars – a short story
Aurorae Chaos, or Aurora for short, jumped up on large low hard flat surface and then up to top level of tall structure with many thin flat surfaces. Low Martian gravity made it easy to reach high perch in two easy leaps. She scanned domain for brother, Olympus Mons, but nowhere to be seen.
Olympus Mons, or Ollie, was in what people called ‘bedrum’, attacking one of things that cover people’s rear paws. He hadn’t killed it in while and it needed killing. He chewed and eviscerated it with rear claws. When convinced it killed enough, he got up to find sister.
Aurora just about settled in for afternoon nap when saw Ollie walking cluelessly into big area. From high perch watched him come around corner and prance toward her. She wiggled hips in excitement as prepared to pounce. Wiggle. Wiggle. Ollie wandered closer, not suspecting anything. Wiggle. Wiggle. Wiggle. Wiggle. In instant Aurora airborne, sailing through low Martian gravity like fury ballistic missile. Landed on top of Ollie and battle royale was on. They rolled around on floor biting and eviscerating each other with rear claws. Went on for few minutes until exhausted, relaxed and began grooming each other. After several long minutes mutual grooming, Ollie got up to check kibble bowl. Aurora thought follow Ollie in case he discovered something she needed investigate.
Top 10 Observations of an old White Guy on Race Relations in the New Millennium
Number 10
Barrack Obama may be the coolest, hippest, Nobel Prize winningest President the US has ever had, but he is not the blackest. Bill Clinton still holds that title.
… and substitute my own.
I just saw it on TV and it made me laugh.
More Walken
Ever wonder where the phrase “more cowbell” came from?
Never seen the classic SNL skit?
More cowbell
The perfect mashup of The Kinks, StarWars, and Weird Al Yankovic.
Remember Lola?
Remember StarWars Eposode V : The Empire Strikes Back?
Ever hear of Weird Al?
This may be a blast from your past or new to you. Either way … enjoy.
Lola – The Kinks 1970
Yoda – Weird Al 1985
Reference:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lola_(song)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yoda_(song)
Postscript: I am taking an extended break from writing. I am currently overwhelmed by an over-abundance of “life”.
A history of Rocket Man through the decades …
http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rocket_Man_(song)
1972
1978
https://youtu.be/eOCM8No1HAM?rel=0
2009
2012 (40th Anniversary)
If you enjoyed this, you might also enjoy my short story Rocket Man
PS I especially like William Shatner’s 2011 rendition of Rocket Man on Seeking Major Tom
1975
Rocky Horror Picture Show
Isn’t it time to watch this again?
Are you too young to remember this?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Rocky_Horror_Picture_Show
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0073629/
Music and video available on iTunes, Amazon, and all usual places.
Another classic Jonathon Coulton song. I love this song and I really love this particular music video of it.
This video is titled ‘Code Monkey AMV‘ by Kagatoamv
(AMV = Anime Music Video)
More info after the break …
The song is by Jonathon Coulton.
http://www.jonathancoulton.com/wiki/Code_Monkey
You can purchase it on iTunes, or directly from Jonathon Coulton directly. You can also donate if you feel so inclined,
The video is from
The Legend Of Black Heaven (aka Hard Rock save the Space)
Peace
PS … Enjoy this as I work on Day 52
Two newborns are lying side-by-side in the nursery.
One says to the other, “do you believe in reincarnation?”
“Absolutely. I can still remember every aspect of my former life.”
“Really? That’s fascinating. … I wish someone would change this diaper.”
“Funny, that’s the last thought I remember.”
Jonathan Coulton is a genius. Who else could give us office politics disguised as a zombie anthem.
If you are a fan of Day 42, Ranger Martin, World War Z, Shaun of the Dead, or any of the other zombie apocalyptic classics … and you haven’t heard Re: Your Brains, then this is for you.
(just one of many YouTube videos based on the song)
[I watched this several times before it finally clicked. Can anyone tell me what city is in the backdrop of the video?]
http://www.jonathancoulton.com
https://itunes.apple.com/us/artist/jonathan-coulton/id5044488
…
Be seeing you …
http://www.jonathancoulton.com/wiki/Re:_Your_Brains/Lyrics
Heya Tom, it’s Bob from the office down the hall
It’s good to see you buddy, how’ve you been?
Things have been OK for me except that I’m a zombie now
I really wish you’d let us in
I think I speak for all of us when I say I understand
Why you folks might hesitate to submit to our demand
But here’s an FYI: you’re all gonna die screaming
All we want to do is eat your brains
We’re not unreasonable, I mean, no one’s gonna eat your eyes
All we want to do is eat your brains
We’re at an impasse here, maybe we should compromise:
If you open up the doors
We’ll all come inside and eat your brains
I don’t want to nitpick, Tom, but is this really your plan?
Spend your whole life locked inside a mall?
Maybe that’s OK for now but someday you’ll be out of food and guns
And you’ll have to make the call
I’m not surprised to see you haven’t thought it through enough
You never had the head for all that bigger picture stuff
But Tom, that’s what I do, and I plan on eating you slowly
All we want to do is eat your brains
We’re not unreasonable, I mean, no one’s gonna eat your eyes
All we want to do is eat your brains
We’re at an impasse here, maybe we should compromise:
If you open up the doors
We’ll all come inside and eat your brains
I’d like to help you Tom, in any way I can
I sure appreciate the way you’re working with me
I’m not a monster Tom, well, technically I am
I guess I am
I’ve got another meeting Tom, maybe we could wrap it up
I know we’ll get to common ground somehow
Meanwhile I’ll report back to my colleagues who were chewing on the doors
I guess we’ll table this for now
I’m glad to see you take constructive criticism well
Thank you for your time I know we’re all busy as hell
And we’ll put this thing to bed
When I bash your head open
All we want to do is eat your brains
We’re not unreasonable, I mean, no one’s gonna eat your eyes
All we want to do is eat your brains
We’re at an impasse here, maybe we should compromise:
If you open up the doors
We’ll all come inside and eat your brains
This Friday I’m taking today off from work and were going on a road trip to Austin Texas. And by this Friday I mean today is Friday.
As you recall I got one of the brand-new iPhone 5s models.(See bragging rights)
This post is an experiment in technology. And by this post I mean today’s post. For some reason dictation wants to use the work this when I say today.
This entire post is being dictated on my iPhone 5s. With the occasional delete for extra spaces or perhaps a type for punctuation it’s 100% dictated. You’re even getting the mistakes I’m just going back and clarifying them when I see something.
I am dictating it a sentence at a time. Because it needs to go up to the web to analyze what I’ve just said. And I don’t want to be too long string of words per dictation.
I’m learning about dictation it excepts the phrase single quote
Single quote for a carriage return. Okay that did not work let’s try something else it accepts “new – line “as a carriage return. That’s better.
Pretty slick, Anna.? Are you A a a RRR GGG HHH ask Glenn nation point!
A a a RRR GGG HHH! Did not understand our, Rather yar, But it didn’t understand “exclamation – point”! And by didn’t I meant did.
It is not perfect, but it’s pretty darn good. Backspace delete okay this commands don’t work okay those commands did not work. Return return sorry
One (space
One) I have been writing Contra factual using the iPhone almost exclusively since I got the iPhone
Two) I have been making a lot of progress on the day 42 series. There will be no date 48 teasers I hope to have it out complete in a day or two. Day 48 T-shirts. To sit up ha ha Ha. Ha ha ha day 48 teaser.
Three) I am simultaneously working on the ending of the series. But I don’t know how far to go before I start going into ending mode. As they say all good things must come to an end. They also say “this too shall pass”. Although in truth once I switched to ending mode the ending could go on quite a long time. I’m excited to get to the ending, but then endings are always sad.
Four)
Four)
Four)(Finally!) again completely dictated no corrections mean made– ––– – now I have completely forgotten but .4 was supposed to be. And by .4 I mean line for by line for I mean four)
Pi equals 3.141?
Five (
Five) to WH EW. When last I looked I had over 80 people following this blog. But I think I really only have a quarter of perhaps I half-dozen loyal readers. And by quarter I mean core. You know who you are.
Six) ignoring this particular post., Do you think my writing is good enough to publish? Specifically would you pay real money for something I wrote? More specifically would you pay real money for a digital copy of day 42 in its entirety? And finally would you recommend day 42 to others? Use the reply option to answer.
Seven) this is what I am thinking; and by “; “I meant quote: “, And by quote: “I meant quote:”. It is curious to me why sometimes it decides to print quotequotequote and it other times just a single quote.”Eddie likes cheese”. That was interesting. The logic of this thing is “inscrutable”.
Eight”) okay so this is what I am thinking. I will continue to serialize a 42 on my blog. But once I get to the point where I think it’s finished or close to finished, I will work toward assembling it into a single e-book. At which point I will go back and embellish each of the days as I see appropriate, Such that the e-book will be a more complex version of the serialize story. So my question then to my readers is: what do you buy it or recommend that someone else by it assuming is at a reasonable price for e-book like a couple of bucks bastion Mark. Ha ha Ha. And by bastion Mark, I mean “?”.
Nine) why am I going to Austin today? Number one son is getting married on Sunday. I will be enjoying a long weekend. I will be reconnecting with white okay ES. And by white okay S I mean yolks open paren E old kid sister). Sorry.. Sorry.– – S I GH– – letter Y oh Kay S. Period. Period…. Wedding of number one son. I will also the room that reuniting with my wife’s sister. Period. I will also be we uniting with my wife’s sister. And her husband. Who I knew in college.
11) need more coffee! Standby…
12 open paren
12) just shot a video of Hillary and pickles. I’ll look for it shortly after this post
As number six would say “BCNU”. LOL
As number six would say “be seeking you”
As number six would say “be C C C in I give up
That thing that number six in the show the prisoner used to say
I have updated Phobos Rising, you may want to reread it. Just sayin’. Although, in truth, the changes are small.
While updating, this played on the Mrs playlist …
Thought you might enjoy …
This comes courtesy of Ye Olde Kid Sister (aka YOKS) … Hey the YOKS on us …
http://www.buzzfeed.com/aj8/19-jokes-only-grammar-nerds-will-understand-cfe3
[Author’s note: This post is a continuation of the Welcome to the Future series of essays. If you haven’t read Welcome to the Future, I suggest that you start >> HERE <<]
This is the second installment on C. W. McCall. The first was Convoy (the previous post). By the way I have recently updated the content of my Convoy post. You might want to back and re-read it.
Wolf Creek pass was released in 1975 before Convoy. Before becoming a (albeit short-lived) national sensation, C. W. McCall was becoming a cult hero in Colorado. Many of his songs were Colorado-centric and he won local acclaim. In many ways he was the anti-John-Denver. In the late seventies the Mrs’ parents came out to visit us in Evergreen (west of Denver) while I was still in college. They were going to take a ride on the Silverton Train. To get there they had to go over Wolf Creek pass. I did not know that her father had a fear of heights.
Again not the same version we have (and you can have from iTunes or Amazon), but close enough.
Wolf Creek Pass Lyrics from
http://www.cw-mccall.com/works/wolf_creek_pass/wolf_creek_pass.html
Me an’ Earl was haulin’ chickens on a flatbed out of Wiggins, and we’d spent all night on the uphill side of thirty-seven miles of hell called Wolf Creek Pass. Which is up on the Great Divide.
We was settin’ there suckin’ toothpicks, drinkin’ Nehi and onion soup mix, and I said, “Earl, let’s mail a card to Mother then send them chickens on down the other side. Yeah, let’s give ’em a ride.”
[Chorus]
Wolf Creek Pass, way up on the Great Divide
Truckin’ on down the other side
Well, Earl put down his bottle, mashed his foot down on the throttle, and then a couple’a boobs with a thousand cubes in a nineteen-forty-eight Peterbilt screamed to life. We woke up the chickens.
Well, we roared up offa that shoulder sprayin’ pine cones, rocks, and boulders, and put four hundred head of them Rhode Island reds and a couple a’ burnt-out roosters on the line. Look out below; ’cause here we go!
Well, we commenced to truckin’ and them hens commenced to cluckin’ and then Earl took out a match and scratched his pants and lit up the unused half of a dollar cigar and took a puff. Says “My, ain’t this purdy up here.”
I says, “Earl, this hill can spill us. You better slow down or you gonna kill us. Just make one mistake and it’s the Pearly Gates for them eight-five crates a’ USDA-approved cluckers. You wanna hit second?”
[Chorus]
Wolf Creek Pass, way up on the Great Divide
Truckin’ on down the other side
Well, Earl grabbed on the shifter and he stabbed her into fifth gear and then the chromium-plated, fully-illuminated genuine accessory shift knob come right off in his hand. I says, “You wanna screw that thing back on, Earl?”
He was tryin’ to thread it on there when the fire fell off a’ his cigar and dropped on down, sorta rolled around, and then lit in the cuff of Earl’s pants and burned a hole in his sock. Yeah, sorta set him right on fire.
I looked on outta the window and I started countin’ phone poles, goin’ by at the rate of four to the seventh power. Well I put two and two together, and added twelve and carried five; come up with twenty-two thousand telephone poles an hour.
I looked at Earl and his eyes was wide, his lip was curled, and his leg was fried. And his hand was froze to the wheel like a tongue to a sled in the middle of a blizzard. I says, “Earl, I’m not the type to complain; but the time has come for me to explain that if you don’t apply some brake real soon, they’re gonna have to pick us up with a stick and a spoon.”
Well, Earl rared back, and cocked his leg, stepped as down as hard as he could on the brake, and the pedal went clear to the floor and stayed there, right there on the floor. He said it was sorta like steppin’ on a plum.
Well, from there on down it just wasn’t real purdy: it was hairpin county and switchback city. One of ’em looked like a can full’a worms; another one looked like malaria germs. Right in the middle of the whole damn show was a real nice tunnel, now wouldn’t you know?
Sign says clearance to the twelve-foot line, but the chickens was stacked to thirteen-nine. Well we shot that tunnel at a hundred-and-ten, like gas through a funnel and eggs through a hen, and we took that top row of chickens off slicker than scum off a Lousiana swamp. Went down and around and around and down ’til we run outta ground at the edge of town. Bashed into the side of the feed store… in downtown Pagosa Springs.
[Chorus]
Wolf Creek Pass, way up on the Great Divide
Truckin’ on down the other side
Wolf Creek Pass, way up on the Great Divide
Truckin’ on down the other side
[Author’s note: This post is a continuation of the Welcome to the Future series of essays. If you haven’t read Welcome to the Future, I suggest that you start >> HERE <<]
This essay is both historical for it’s content and futuristic, based on the ease with which one can now learn about C. W. McCall and access his music. Enjoy …
From Welcome to the Future
No smart phones, no cell phones, no satellite phones, no pagers, no texting, no answering machines; only land-line phones at home and if you needed to make a call away from home there were coin-operated “pay phones”.
The above was still true in 1975 when Convoy first debuted. I was in my second year of “real college” in Colorado, my time at Junior College (or Community College as it came to be called) barely counts. OK not strictly true, I met my wife-to-be in Junior College while attending a fencing class. She was my partner during field camp for the “barbed-wire stretching” section. We had five miles of barbed-wire to stretch along a section of canal that bordered the Everglades. She cut her hand and I cleaned and bandaged it tenderly with love and care. So gentle were my attentions that she soon fell under the spell of my gentle but manly manner and soon we were lying under the shade of a mangrove tree making sweet, sweet …
Oh wait that was last night’s dream … It was fencing class as in touché, sabers, etc. …
My wife-to-be in fencing class:

Ok not my wife … and besides in 1973 the world had not yet been introduced to light-sabers. We used foils, épées, old-school sabers. Her sweet smile and school girl laugh pierced my heart as did the unshielded tip of her épée. When I finally got out of the hospital … OK that was lie. It was fencing class nothing more. But it was the beginning of a 40 year love affair.
I digress. Where was I? No cell phones. But there was a thing called Citizens Band radio or CB for short (coincidence? … I don’t think so). CB radio became popular with over-the-road truckers as a way to communicate between themselves. In a time without cell phones it became the dominant mobile communications venue for America’s truckers.
Also in 1974, the U. S. national speed limit was reduced to 55 miles per hour, in part due to the Arab Oil Embargo and the need to conserve fuel. America’s truckers who had been used to Interstate Highway speed of 75 mph or in states like Wyoming and Montana no posted speed limit at all, rebelled. Time is money and the reduced speed greatly increased the time it took to get goods across America. They embraced the CB radio as a way to stay in touch and keep an eye out for “Smokey“, the endearing name for state highway patrol officers. So named because they frequently wore hats that made them look like Smokey the Bear (“Only you can prevent forest fires”).

CB radio was the cell phone of it’s day for truckers and was embraced by many car owners as well. The truckers developed there own jargon, slang, or lingo for talking on CB. The term handle, meaning the alias or name you went by, originated (or at least became popularized) with CB radio a decade or more before online accounts, chat rooms, and blogs.
C. W. McCall merely popularized the current CB language and phenomenon. There were in fact other CB related songs on the air at the time, but they have all faded to obscurity. Only C. W. McCall and Convoy have survived the test of time (at least as long as I have any say in it).
C. W. McCall
Excerpted from http://www.cw-mccall.com/legend/
C.W. McCall is not a real person. “C.W. McCall” isn’t the name of the group that recorded the music. C.W. McCall is the nom de chanteur of Bill Fries, an advertising man who created the character of C.W. McCall.
In 1972, while working for the Omaha advertising firm of Bozell & Jacobs, Bill Fries created a television campaign for the Old Home Bread brand of the Metz Baking Company. The advertisements told of the adventures of truck driver C.W. McCall, his dog Sloan, and of the truck stop that McCall frequented, The Old Home Café. Bill based the character and his environment on his own upbringing in western Iowa. The commercials were very successful. So successful, that the Des Moines Register published the air times of the commercials in the daily television listings.
From those commercials came the first of the C.W. McCall songs, named after the restaurant: “Old Home Fill-er Up An’ Keep On A-Truckin’ Café”. While Bill provided the lyrics to the song and the voice of C.W. McCall, his collaborator Chip Davis wrote the music. Soon C.W.’s first album, Wolf Creek Pass, was released; its title song was a misadventure of a truck with brake failure.
C.W. McCall’s popularity reached its peak in January 1976, when “Convoy” — from his second album, Black Bear Road — reached the number one position on both the pop and country charts of Billboard.
See also http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/C._W._McCall
I was attending college in Colorado when Convoy became a national sensation. I would like to be able to share the exact version of the song that the Mrs has on her playlist, but it appears that YouTube has scrubbed the audio from all of the videos containing the original recording.
If you remember the original and want to relive your own history you can get it from iTunes by clicking on the image below.
Besides Convoy, there are all of his other hits including Wolf Creek Pass, The Silverton (Train), Old Home Fill-er Up An’ Keep On A-Truckin’ Café, and many others. In addition to their historical significance, these are just plain fun songs with entertaining lyrics and great guitar licks and banjo pickin’.
C. W. McCall is definitely Cat-Beard tested and Momma approved.
If you aren’t an iTunes fan you can also get it from Amazon by clicking below:
For a trip down memory lane or to listen for the first time, I offer for your consideration …
A VH-1 historical perspective
A “live” version of the original 1975 Convoy
A raunchier version from the 1978 movie (not my favorite)
Next >> Wolf Creek Pass
1975 Lyrics from http://www.cw-mccall.com/works/black_bear_road/convoy.html
[On the CB]
Ah, breaker one-nine, this here’s the Rubber Duck. You gotta copy on me, Pig Pen, c’mon? Ah, yeah, 10-4, Pig Pen, fer shure, fer shure. By golly, it’s clean clear to Flag Town, c’mon. Yeah, that’s a big 10-4 there, Pig Pen, yeah, we definitely got the front door, good buddy. Mercy sakes alive, looks like we got us a convoy…
Was the dark of the moon on the sixth of June
In a Kenworth pullin’ logs
Cab-over Pete with a reefer on
And a Jimmy haulin’ hogs
We is headin’ for bear on I-one-oh
’Bout a mile outta Shaky Town
I says, “Pig Pen, this here’s the Rubber Duck.
“And I’m about to put the hammer down.”
[Chorus]
’Cause we got a little convoy
Rockin’ through the night.
Yeah, we got a little convoy,
Ain’t she a beautiful sight?
Come on and join our convoy
Ain’t nothin’ gonna get in our way.
We gonna roll this truckin’ convoy
’Cross the U-S-A.
Convoy!
[On the CB]
Ah, breaker, Pig Pen, this here’s the Duck. And, you wanna back off them hogs? Yeah, 10-4, ’bout five mile or so. Ten, roger. Them hogs is gettin’ in-tense up here.
By the time we got into Tulsa Town,
We had eighty-five trucks in all.
But they’s a roadblock up on the cloverleaf,
And them bears was wall-to-wall.
Yeah, them smokies is thick as bugs on a bumper;
They even had a bear in the air!
I says, “Callin’ all trucks, this here’s the Duck.
“We about to go a-huntin’ bear.”
[Chorus]
’Cause we got a great big convoy
Rockin’ through the night.
Yeah, we got a great big convoy,
Ain’t she a beautiful sight?
Come on and join our convoy
Ain’t nothin’ gonna get in our way.
We gonna roll this truckin’ convoy
’Cross the U-S-A.
Convoy!
[On the CB]
Ah, you wanna give me a 10-9 on that, Pig Pen? Negatory, Pig Pen; you’re still too close. Yeah, them hogs is startin’ to close up my sinuses. Mercy sakes, you better back off another ten.
Well, we rolled up Interstate 44
Like a rocket sled on rails.
We tore up all of our swindle sheets,
And left ’em settin’ on the scales.
By the time we hit that Chi-town,
Them bears was a-gettin’ smart:
They’d brought up some reinforcements
From the Illinoise National Guard.
There’s armored cars, and tanks, and jeeps,
And rigs of ev’ry size.
Yeah, them chicken coops was full’a bears
And choppers filled the skies.
Well, we shot the line and we went for broke
With a thousand screamin’ trucks
An’ eleven long-haired Friends a’ Jesus
In a chartreuse micra-bus.
[On the CB]
Ah, Rubber Duck to Sodbuster, come over. Yeah, 10-4, Sodbuster? Lissen, you wanna put that micra-bus right behind that suicide jockey? Yeah, he’s haulin’ dynamite, and he needs all the help he can get.
Well, we laid a strip for the Jersey shore
And prepared to cross the line
I could see the bridge was lined with bears
But I didn’t have a dog-goned dime.
I says, “Pig Pen, this here’s the Rubber Duck.
“We just ain’t a-gonna pay no toll.”
So we crashed the gate doing ninety-eight
I says “Let them truckers roll, 10-4.”
[Chorus]
’Cause we got a mighty convoy
Rockin’ through the night.
Yeah, we got a mighty convoy,
Ain’t she a beautiful sight?
Come on and join our convoy
Ain’t nothin’ gonna get in our way.
We gonna roll this truckin’ convoy
’Cross the U-S-A.
Convoy! Ah, 10-4, Pig Pen, what’s your twenty?
Convoy! Omaha? Well, they oughta know what to do with them hogs out there fer shure. Well, mercy
Convoy! sakes, good buddy, we gonna back on outta here, so keep the bugs off your glass and the bears off your…
Convoy! tail. We’ll catch you on the flip-flop. This here’s the Rubber Duck on the side.
Convoy! We gone. ’Bye,’bye.
Cowboys and Indians
Two Indians walk into the saloon of a Western town.
I just got this in an email. I spent the better part of the ’90s working off and on in Siberia. Today Russian drivers mostly have dashboard videos. This is from the site vk.com/dashboard Auto Video. The title, Второй день рождения, translates as “Last Christmas”.
I really like the background music.
cb