Mmmmm … scotch
Single Malt … and Blended
All posts by cb
Yoga Level : Cats
Boneless chicken kitten?
Engineer in the Corporate World
How it feels to be an engineer in the corporate world
I can not begin to tell you how many times I have been the ‘expert’ in similar meetings.
If you liked that you will also like Conference Call
Left arm of power
The digital photo below was cropped, but otherwise unaltered.
Spectral aura?
Trick of lighting?
Imagiro
Imagiro
Japanese Art of Paper Flattening
Paper crane unfolds
To begin deconstruction
Flat on table, smooth
Bag man
King of the hill
Markovich Arts
UPDATE
Additionally
bzebzadotcom.wordpress.com also maps to crazyart.co
Recreating website at different URL (???)
=============
markovicharts.com a fellow WordPress site has dissappeared. It now remaps to crazyart.co
Markovich Arts: The Bliss of Reality by Alex Markovich from Belgorod, Russia was a compendium of the author’s photography and short stories, plus a wealth of photos and stories submitted by others (including your’s truly). I had reblogged some article’s from it. There was much of interest there.
Alex Markovich’s email account (bzebza@gmail.com) no longer exists.
The internet is ephemeral.
TNW – Day 48
This is the eighth chapter.
Start at the beginning or read the previous chapter.
Copyright © 2014 by Christian Bergman, All rights reserved.
All people, places, and events are fictional … except when they aren’t.
The Nudist War – Day 48
They ran naked through the streets attacking and eating anyone or anything unfortunate enough to be caught outside. Then they began breaking down doors, climbing through windows, even climbing through the second floor windows. They ate the people where they found them, even drinking the blood so that nary a drop was spilt upon the ground.
~ La Opinion Publica, Albuquerque, New Mexico, November 2, 1892
• • •
Eddy lay in bed shivering, the events of the previous day running through his mind. He tried to imagine the horror and the fear that went through the minds of the airport patrol as they met their death at the hands and teeth of the hoard of voracious nudists. He mused on how the official term diseased had morphed into the Zs, and how MAN’s people now referred to them as nudists.
A Meaningless Drawing…
UPDATE
Markovich Arts: The Bliss of Reality
http://markovicharts.comhas disappeared (???)
I liked this …
I discovered it re-posted on
Markovich Arts: The Bliss of Reality
http://markovicharts.com/2014/03/27/meaningless-drawing-no-5-1997/
But first…
Dulltown, Europe: Today’s architectural term is ‘berm’ – the level area separating the ditch from the bank on a hill-fort or barrow.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
‘So…’
‘So, Veronica…’
‘So, David… Do you know anyone called Veronica Crush?’
‘Er… no, I don’t think so, why do you ask?’
‘Oh, someone mentioned that you knew her…’
‘Oh? No, you are the only Veronica that I know…’
‘Only this person said…’
‘Which person?’
‘Simon Doom, he’s a poet. Do you know him?’
‘No, I don’t. I don’t know any poets, I don’t move in those circles…’
‘But Simon said that you…’
‘So, Veronica, what have you got to say about this drawing I’ve retrieved from my archives for you to see?’
‘I think he was a bit drunk, so he might have been confused… Oh, right then, is it pencil David?’
‘Yes, mostly… and some charcoal.’
‘You are very keen on black and…
View original post 289 more words
10 types of people …
… those who think in binary
and those who do not
• • •
And the answer is …
101010
Rosetta Haiku 2
Woke up and phoned home
Then sent two pix of the view
Wishing you were here
Mommy, where did I come from?
A young mother was making dinner when her young son came running in from outside.
“Mommy, where did I come from?”
The young mother took a deep breath and thought ” I knew this day would get here eventually. I guess now is as good a time as any.”
So she grabbed her iPad and sat down with her son on the sofa. She googled a few illustrative sites and proceeded to explain every aspect of human sexuality, gestation, and childbirth to her young son … complete with graphic yet tasteful videos and images of every step along the way.
“Do you understand?” she asked.
“Yes, Mommy, I understand … but Billy said he came from Texas and I want to know where I came from.”
Conference call
If you have ever participated in a conference call …
The Ghost Pepper Challenge
WordPress for iOS 4.0
“Options glitches“
Occasionally there is no way to get back from the options screen because the blue header with “< Back" disappears.
Glitch
Correct
“Floating Options”
The Options line floats to random places on the text. It used to be at the bottom.
Bad Greek Letter Puns
no π can make u ψ
but 4 a φ u can have t
ρ ρ ρ your boat
last night i η π
these greek letter puns r bad
they’ll make u want 2 cry
I have no excuses 2 offer
TNW – Day 47
This is the seventh chapter.
Start at the beginning or read the previous chapter.
Copyright © 2014 by Christian Bergman, All rights reserved.
All people, places, and events are fictional … except when they aren’t.
The Nudist War – Day 47
‘Las Pirañas Humanos’ ran naked through the jungle, traveling in ‘schools’ where they numbered in the dozens. Male and female, they devoured everything in their path and were greatly feared by the tribes people.
~ From the report of Cristóbal de Acuña to the Royal Council of the Indies, AD 1641 concerning the stories told to him by Amazon tribesmen.
• • •
Jess awoke to the sound of someone screaming. “Not again,” she thought as she threw on a robe and ran down the hall toward Eddy’s room.
Pickles in Slo-Mo
He’s too cute for normal mo …
The First Experience of an American in a Russian Banya
UPDATE
This was originally a reblog from a site that appears to have disappeared: http://markovicharts.com
It now remaps to http://crazyarts.co , apparently by the same owner, Alex Markovich, but with none of the same content. (????)
Below was my re-blog intro …
My first banya visit was in 1989, the final year of the old Soviet Union. I was in my late 30s working for an American oil company wanting to do business in Western Siberia. I knew a little bit about banya from reading and documentaries and was eager to sample all things Russian.
My experience was identical, except that we were men in our 30s to 60s (Russians and Americans), there was much vodka, it was subzero outside and we would run outside butt naked (in the dark) to cool off in between sessions. Ice froze to my beard, but it would be a minute or two before I felt cold.
Some of my most memorable times were in Siberia.
Read about my first trip to Russia:
Cool Cat
Never changing …
… always changing
For those of you following The Nudist War, you may have noticed that I have a place saver called TNW that I use for the next Day (chapter) until I publish it.
Did you notice that it changes from week to week … both the quotation and the haiku?
Each week a new quote
And each week a new haiku
Yet same URL
Always changing … never changing.
Expert Designated Driver
My Egyptian friend at work told me this one …
Two friends had been celebrating at a bar until late into the night. The government had a zero tolerance drinking and driving policy, so they hailed a cab.
“Get in, get in, my friends,” the cabbie welcomed them. “Ah, drinking tonight. You are in luck. I am an expert designated driver. You are safe with me.”
So they took off. As they approached the first intersection the traffic light turned from green to yellow to red and cabbie sped up.
“Stop, stop,” his passengers yelled, but the cabbie sped through the red light.
“Do not worry my friends. As I told you, I am an expert designated driver.”
Another intersection approached, another red light, more cries to stop. The cabbie zoomed through the intersection.
“Relax my friends. I told you, I am an expert designated driver.”
They rode along for a while without passing any traffic signals. Up ahead the passengers saw a green light. The cabbie stomped on the brakes and they came to a screeching stop.
“It was a green light! Why did you stop?” the passengers screamed.
“I looked down the cross street and I thought I saw another expert designated driver.”
Patches
Patches sleeping
Hillary sleeping
Speaking ‘Cat’
Through my many years of cat ownership, I feel confident to say that I understand ‘Cat’ speak.
You see, cats are very self-centered. It’s all about them.
Meow? (Rising) … Me?
Me-yow? (Rising) … (For) Me ?
Myow myow (emphatic) … Me (too) me (too)
MYOW (short) … (Leave) Me (Alone)
Myew (quiet) … (Who) Me?
Myew myew … (Luv) Me (luv) Me
MEOW (Desperate) … (Feed) Me
• • •
Try out your new-found knowledge of ‘cat speak’ on the following video …
TNW – Day 46
This is the sixth chapter.
Start at the beginning or read the previous chapter.
Copyright © 2014 by Christian Bergman, All rights reserved.
All people, places, and events are fictional … except when they aren’t.
The Nudist War – Day 46
Her skin was smooth and slightly freckled, bronzed with a healthy tan. She had long red hair that hung down, encircling his face. Her deep green eyes studied him intently. They were like pools in an oasis in the middle of a parched, arid desert.
• • •
Jess rolled over, looked at the clock and sighed. “2:00 AM. Maybe some fresh air will do me some good. Can’t be any worse than lying here staring at the ceiling,” she mused. “Maybe a walk on the roof?” She reached over and grabbed the notebook computer on the nearby table and brought it into bed with her. Deftly she opened the lid and scanned the stairwell security cameras from the garage level up to the roof. Seeing nothing amiss, she disarmed the motion sensors between the lab and the roof so as not to wake anyone. “I doubt that they will be coming down from the roof tonight. I don’t think the Zs are capable of scaling the outside of this building,” she chuckled to herself.
Remastered …
The Nudist War
A new take on an old favorite …
The Zombie Apocalypse
(AKA Day 42 Remastered)
~ https://contrafactual.com/the-nudist-war/
Definition of remaster (vt)
re·mas·ter
- make improved master recording of something: to make a new master copy of an earlier audio recording or movie to improve its quality of reproduction
- new master recording: a new master copy of an earlier audio recording or a movie
While not an audio or video recording, The Nudist War qualifies as a remastering of the Day 42 series. I am going through each and every chapter, fixing typos, adding content, and clarifying passages as needed. However the plot line isn’t changing.
I hope you are enjoying it.
Hey, tryin’ to sleep here
Got up in the middle of the night and disturbed the boys …
Nuthin’ to see here. Move along …
We said move along
Time Warp
With a bit of a mind flip, you’re into the time-slip, and nothing can ever be the same.
~ Rocky Horror Picture Show, 1975
Let’s do the Time Warp again
Several posts ago, I told you that I had figured out how to schedule posts into the future. If you look at the posting time for all of the TNW – Day nn chapters, you will see that they are all posted, that is scheduled, for Sunday at 2:00 AM.
Except for TNW – Day 45
When I tried to schedule it for 2 AM, the 2 was grayed out. No matter how hard I tried, it would jump back to 1 or ahead to 3. It was frustrating, but I ended up scheduling it for 1:05 AM and thought nothing more about it.
It just occurred to me a short while ago …
2 AM didn’t exist.
The 2 o’clock hour didn’t exist.
With a bit of a mind flip, you’re into the time-slip, and nothing can ever be the same.
• • •
What would aliens say when told Earthlings shift clocks twice a year to fool themselves into thinking there’s more sunlight.
COSMOS
30 minutes (ish) from the time of this post.
On all of the National Geographic and FOX networks.
Watch it!
TNW – Day 45
This is the fifth chapter.
Start at the beginning or read the previous chapter.
Copyright © 2014 by Christian Bergman, All rights reserved.
All people, places, and events are fictional … except when they aren’t.
The Nudist War – Day 45
And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.
~ Genesis 2:25, King James Bible
• • •
Jess awoke to the sound of thunder. She opened her eyes and turned to look at the alarm clock. It’s luminous face showed 6:30 AM. She reached over to her laptop and brought up one of the outside security cameras. The video and audio indicated that it was raining heavily. “At least the weather is still normal,” she thought before turning off her alarm, rolling over, and going back to sleep.
In the next room Eddy was snoring heavily. When he got back to the lab the night before, they both agreed they desperately needed a good night’s sleep. After several medicinal scotches, they both retired for the night. The DNA sequencing could wait, besides they were making no progress anyway. A good night’s sleep was the least they were due.
Tomorrow
And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.
– Genesis 2:25, King James Bible
• • •
True, Zs are diseased
Yet they were once human folk
Do they still have souls?
Hank The Cow Dog
The Hank the Cowdog series began as a self-publishing venture in his garage in 1982 and has endured to become one of the nation’s most popular series for children and families. Through the eyes of Hank the Cowdog, a smelly, smart-aleck Head of Ranch Security, Erickson gives readers a glimpse of daily life on a ranch in the West Texas Panhandle. USA Today calls the series “the best family entertainment in years.”
TNW – Day 44
This is the fourth chapter.
Start at the beginning or read the previous chapter.
Copyright © 2014 by Christian Bergman, All rights reserved.
All people, places, and events are fictional … except when they aren’t.
The Nudist War – Day 44
He rounded the corner only to see Jess on the ground, covered in blood … As Eddy moved toward Jess, a crazed naked woman came running around the corner and lunged at him. Eddy didn’t wait for introductions. He unloaded two shotgun rounds into her, but she kept coming. A third shot to the face dropped her at his feet.
• • •
“Urrrrargghh glurrrppp … urrrrargghh wrrraccch.” The sound of vomiting came from the behind the restroom door.
“You okay in there?” Eddy asked. It was 4:00 AM. Dr. Edmund Hillary had been up since midnight after getting a much needed six hour nap. He had just come out of the lab to get some coffee and empty his bladder (not necessarily in that order).
“Urrrrargghh … yeah … urrrrargghh.” A few minutes later Jessica emerged wiping her face with a wet towel. “Need more Ondansetron.” she muttered and staggered over to the medicine cabinet. “May as well take more Ibuprofen while I’m here.” She opened both bottles taking a pill from each and washing them down with a swig from a freshly opened water bottle. “I’m going back to bed,” she muttered and headed back to her cot. Eddy was used to this by now. The main side effect of the Interferon was nausea and vomiting, hence the Ondansetron.
“External power is back up,” he said. … No reply … “I’ll tell her later,” he thought.
Reorganization
Currently reorganizing my pages (menu) to provide faster access to content.
Check it out.
Music*
* planned
ZD-873 Zombie Defense
Zombie Defense – 873 Bug Out Bag
You know you want it 😉
http://www.thinkgeek.com/product/19c2/
Screen shots included below (click link above or any picture to go to the page)
Oh sure, real preppers may poo-poo this and say they can get better cheaper somewhere else. They may be right. If so please comment below. Everyone likes options. 😉
Linguistics
What do you call someone who can speak three languages?
Trilingual
• • •
What do you call some who speaks two languages?
Bilingual
• • •
What do you call someone who only speaks one language?
22,000+ Club
So … Tuesday was my 22,000th day here on Earth. 60 years, 2 months, and 23 days.
22,000 Days is immortalized in the Moody Blues song of the same name.
Now that I am living on borrowed time, as it were, I have decided to form a new club. The 22,000+ Club.
Time Whores
Selling my minutes, my hours,my days.
Striving for better than minimum wage.
Up at 6:00, snooze five minutes more,
then off to work where I’m a time whore.
When I was young I lived off the clock
and when I retire I’ll be too old to walk
very far without getting sore.
Life is a bitch when you’re a time whore.
My time’s not my own when I’m on your clock.
Sometime’s I just want to get out my Glock
And blow out my brains ’cause I know what’s in store.
Your time’s not your own when you’re a time whore.
Whether doctor or lawyer or Indian chief
you’re selling your time to a devious thief
who pays you in lucre but demands so much more.
One way or another we’re all just time whores.
Copyright © 2014 by Christian Bergman, All rights reserved.
22,000 Days
Tomorrow is 22,001 🙂
Even tho’ I know it’s only
Me and my dreams
That drive me so let me go please
Let me go onto tomorrow
One day at a time
Now I know the only foe is time
22,000 days, 22,000 days it’s not alot,
It’s all you got 22,000 days
22,000 nights, 22,000 nights, it’s all you know
So start the show and this time
Feel the flow and get it right
Earth Theory
I’ve been watch waaaay too much ‘Ancient Aliens’
Dear Algebra Please Stop Asking Us To Find Your X
Don’t even think about asking about the Z …
TNW – Day 43
This is the third chapter.
Start at the beginning or read the previous chapter.
Copyright © 2014 by Christian Bergman, All rights reserved.
All people, places, and events are fictional … except when they aren’t.
The Nudist War – Day 43
A novel influenza virus has been discovered in several bats from Guatemala. This virus is highly divergent in sequence from other known influenza A viruses, and has thereby designated as a new influenza subtype of H17N10. Nothing is known about the capability of H17N10 to cause human infections or its putative pandemic potential.
~ Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America, February 2012
• • •
The room slowly came into focus. Jessica rolled over on the cot and hit the intercom button. “How long have I been asleep?” Silence. Once again, louder and with more authority. “Yo! … Edward! … How long have I been asleep?”
“Hold your horses! I’m starting another run,” replied a voice through the speaker, “… and how many times do I have to tell you? … It’s EDMUND, not Edward!” Pause. “You’ve been asleep just over twenty-four hours.”
“Thanks, Eddy.” Jess rolled onto her back and stared up at the ceiling. She knew well and true that his name was Edmund, but she loved pushing his buttons. Calling him Edward was a sure way to do it. This had been going on ever since Edmund joined her team two months ago, not long before the first reported case of HZV. Back then she had a team of over two dozen scientists and technicians working under her. Now it was just the two of them rattling around in the empty complex.
Encounter
Copyright © 2014 by Christian Bergman, All rights reserved.
All people, places, and events are fictional … except when they aren’t.
Encounter – a short story
“Sir, Deep Space Radar reports contact with object entering the system. It has an unusually high radar cross-section. That is, it’s too reflective to be natural. It appears to be on a collision course with us.”
“Contact Orbital Defense. See if they can intercept. We need a better look at this thing.”
“Yes sir.”
So it began. We always knew it might happen – encounter with other life forms than our own. Reports had been made as long as anyone could remember of sightings, meetings, abductions, but these had always been explained away. This however had a different feel to it. This could be real.
“Sir, Orbital Defense can get a high-speed probe launched by morning. We will be able to get high-res images from it. I recommend you get some sleep while you can. If this is what we think it is, you will need your sleep now.”
“Yes I suppose you are correct.” I had special sleeping quarters set up for such things. I would not need to leave.
Heineken | The Date
The Date 2012
• • •
Jaan Pechan Ho, Mohammed Rafi,
Gumnaam, 1965
• • •
Drink responsibly
Heineken | The Odyssey
• • •
• • •
Drink responsibly
CATs on Mars
Distance to nearest star
Cats on Mars
For background context on this story, you are encouraged to read: Phobos Rising, Jumper, and Rocket Man.
Copyright © 2014 by Christian Bergman, All rights reserved.
All people, places, and events are fictional … except when they aren’t.
Cats on Mars – a short story
Aurorae Chaos, or Aurora for short, jumped up on large low hard flat surface and then up to top level of tall structure with many thin flat surfaces. Low Martian gravity made it easy to reach high perch in two easy leaps. She scanned domain for brother, Olympus Mons, but nowhere to be seen.
Olympus Mons, or Ollie, was in what people called ‘bedrum’, attacking one of things that cover people’s rear paws. He hadn’t killed it in while and it needed killing. He chewed and eviscerated it with rear claws. When convinced it killed enough, he got up to find sister.
Aurora just about settled in for afternoon nap when saw Ollie walking cluelessly into big area. From high perch watched him come around corner and prance toward her. She wiggled hips in excitement as prepared to pounce. Wiggle. Wiggle. Ollie wandered closer, not suspecting anything. Wiggle. Wiggle. Wiggle. Wiggle. In instant Aurora airborne, sailing through low Martian gravity like fury ballistic missile. Landed on top of Ollie and battle royale was on. They rolled around on floor biting and eviscerating each other with rear claws. Went on for few minutes until exhausted, relaxed and began grooming each other. After several long minutes mutual grooming, Ollie got up to check kibble bowl. Aurora thought follow Ollie in case he discovered something she needed investigate.
TNW – Day 42
This is the second chapter.
Start at the beginning.
Copyright © 2014 by Christian Bergman, All rights reserved.
All people, places, and events are fictional … except when they aren’t.
The Nudist War – Day 42
They awoke from their slumber and they were very, very hungry.
~ St. Giorgio Romeo, Il Risveglio Morti, circa AD 978.
• • •
“They got it all wrong,” Jessica muttered to herself as she loaded the samples into the DNA sequencer. Safe within the Level 4 Biohazard lab on Galveston Island, Jessica Munroe pushed on for a third sleepless day. They got it all wrong.
• • •
The they in this case was the media, the entertainment industry, the press, anyone and everyone writing about the Zombie Apocalypse. The facts about Zombies had been pretty well established by decades of books, movies, graphic novels, and TV shows. Everyone knew them:
- They went by many names: zombies, the undead, walkers, biters, etc.
- They could not be killed by normal means – only a direct hit to the head would work, either severing the head entirely or at least destroying it.
- Without the de rigueur head shot, a zombie would live forever, regardless of the amount of otherwise traumatic injury it had sustained. A zombie with half its body gone was still a threat.
- Zombies were immune to circumstances that would kill the living, such as drowning. Zombies could wander the bottoms of lakes, rivers, and other bodies of water indefinitely, posing an ongoing threat.
- Zombies, although chronically hungry, did not eat each other (perhaps out of professional courtesy). Only the warm fresh flesh of the living would suffice.
- Zombies were slow and mindless. They shuffle along, stumbling after their victims.
Wrong, wrong WRONG!
Contrafactual 