Category Archives: Humor

TMNT | XKCD

Art, Humor, Music, Video, , , , , , , , , ,

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http://xkcd.com/1412/

Monday’s XKCD (above) made me go find the original theme song on YouTube (top).

In the late 80′ – early 90s TMNT were all the rage. The boys were little and between Christmas and birthdays we acquired every form of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle paraphernalia know to man. You name it we had it: action figures, weapons, vehicles, home-made VHS recordings of the TV shows, comic books (new and old). The show was on every afternoon after school around dinner time and I watched many an episode with the boys. We also saw the first several movies. The theme song was unquestionably catchy, humor childish but not always so, the plots predictable. But heck, I enjoyed it as much as the boys did.

It was a classic.

The Mars Seven

Fiction, Humor, Mars, Science Fiction, Space Travel, ,

To those of you who read A Brief History of Mars … did you catch the Easter Eggs?

Every Martian knows the names of the Mars Seven (the first humans on Mars):

Mission Commander Sarah Radstrom,

Pilot Maggie Trznadel,

Crew Chief Hillary Edmundson,

First Science Officer Lenny Yomin,

Environmental Officer Rolf Redan,

Flight Engineer Nole Moschatus,

Timmy Enelpozo de Agua.

Hint: Titles and names. Titles and names.

Bark, bark, bark … What is it Lassie? Ovibos moschatus?

I know that some of you only read the text and never watch the embedded videos … you know who you are. But seriously, you need to watch the embedded video in A Brief History of Mars.

Focus

Humor, Photography, Technology, ,

Found on Facebook …

So, yesterday I was using my work expenses app to submit some expenses, as one does. And I’m trying to take a picture of a receipt, but it’s blurry. So I start tapping on the receipt to get it to focus, but nothing is happening. And that’s when I realize …. I should probably be tapping on the picture of the receipt on my screen instead of the physical receipt on my desk.

A Brief History of Everything

About, Art, Blogging, Cats, Day 42, Economic Issues, Edits and Updates, Essay, Extreme Humor, Fashion, Fiction, Filler, Film, Grammar, Health, History, Horror, Humor, HZV, Internet, Mars, Music, News, Opinion, Poetry, Reading, Reblog, Russia, Satire, Science Fiction, Scotch, Social Issues, Space Travel, Technology, The Nudist War, Video, Welcome to the Future, Zombies, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Continue reading A Brief History of Everything →

Proud-a Mary

Humor, , , ,

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.

The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:

“Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more! Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time.”

The lady can’t take this any more, “You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig.” she retorted indignantly. “In this country, we don’t speak aloud in public places about our sex lives.”

“Hey, coola down lady,” said the man. “Who talkin’ abouta sex? I’m a justa tellin my frienda how to spell ‘Mississippi’.”

Ammonia … Ammonia …

Art, History, Humor, Science Fiction, Space Travel, , , , , , ,

The internet is amazing. Mrs and I were talking on the phone with Pegasuspilot about the best way to clean earrings. Pp mentioned ammonia, and then recalled an old cartoon we saw as kids. Pp and I have been friends since before(?) elementary school. I saw him for the first time in 27 years when Mrs and I drove back home last month to see her mother. Pp and I got on as if time had never passed. Today he forwarded the following:

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Continue reading Ammonia … Ammonia … →

Conversation

Humor, , , , , , , ,

If I don’t see you in the future, I’ll see you in the pasture.

If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the solute.

Salyut? Isn’t that a Russian spaceship?

No, that’s Soyuz.

Soy use?

No, that would be soy sauce.

Yo soy sauce?

No. Yo soy perdedor.

Why should I kill you?

Not me, Beck.

Beck who?

Baku? That’s on the Caspian.

Who’s gasping?

Caspian Sea

No, I don’t see.

Azerbaijan

Ask her baijan what?

Innuendo

?

Italian suppository

SRL – Technical Discussion

Humor, , , , , ,

Re: Seven Red Lines

Via #1 Son:

Thought you’d appreciated the discussion at my work about this:

TC Embarrassingly, I’ve done the opposite in meetings.
Requester: I want two perpendicular lines.
PM: Drawing two perpendicular lines is really hard. No resources for it.
Dev: Actually, I can do that in an hour.
PM: /facepalm
3 days, 19 hours ago

JH Increase the dimensionality and you can certainly get 7 lines all perpendicular to each other.
1 day, 5 hours ago

K Can you show me that on a whiteboard?
1 day, 5 hours ago

JC Sure. Get him a 7 dimensional whiteboard.
1 day, 4 hours ago

JH {{1,0,0,0,0,0,0},{0,1,0,0,0,0,0},{0,0,1,0,0,0,0},{0,0,0,1,0,0,0},{0,0,0,0,1,0,0},{0,0,0,0,0,1,0},{0,0,0,0,0,0,1}}
1 day, 3 hours ago

AH (Two vectors are perpendicular if their dot-product equals 0.)
1 day, 3 hours ago

JH As for the color part, I feel like there was an xkcd about this recently…http://xkcd.com/1351/
1 day, 3 hours ago

PA The internet has everything, even seven dimensional orthogonal vectors
1 day ago

JC Projecting seven dimensions down to two dimensions doesn’t seem to work very well. Also, the colors are wrong.
1 day ago

M If you don’t like the color, priests from AoE will fix it for you
1 day ago

SF It’s not too hard to plot 5 dimensional data on a 2 dimensional canvas:http://imgur.com/69Jc8Ch
1 day ago

GM but the question is, can you make them red and transparent?
25 minutes ago

SF color=”red”, alpha=0.5 🙂
19 minutes ago

Mommy, where did I come from?

Humor, , , , ,

A young mother was making dinner when her young son came running in from outside.

“Mommy, where did I come from?”

The young mother took a deep breath and thought ” I knew this day would get here eventually. I guess now is as good a time as any.”

So she grabbed her iPad and sat down with her son on the sofa. She googled a few illustrative sites and proceeded to explain every aspect of human sexuality, gestation, and childbirth to her young son … complete with graphic yet tasteful videos and images of every step along the way.

“Do you understand?” she asked.

“Yes, Mommy, I understand … but Billy said he came from Texas and I want to know where I came from.”

The First Experience of an American in a Russian Banya

Humor, Reblog, Russia

UPDATE

This was originally a reblog from a site that appears to have disappeared: http://markovicharts.com

It now remaps to http://crazyarts.co , apparently by the same owner, Alex Markovich, but with none of the same content. (????)

Below was my re-blog intro …

My first banya visit was in 1989, the final year of the old Soviet Union. I was in my late 30s working for an American oil company wanting to do business in Western Siberia. I knew a little bit about banya from reading and documentaries and was eager to sample all things Russian.

My experience was identical, except that we were men in our 30s to 60s (Russians and Americans), there was much vodka, it was subzero outside and we would run outside butt naked (in the dark) to cool off in between sessions. Ice froze to my beard, but it would be a minute or two before I felt cold.

Some of my most memorable times were in Siberia.

Read about my first trip to Russia:

Dancing with the Bears

Expert Designated Driver

Humor, , , ,

My Egyptian friend at work told me this one …

Two friends had been celebrating at a bar until late into the night. The government had a zero tolerance drinking and driving policy, so they hailed a cab.

“Get in, get in, my friends,” the cabbie welcomed them. “Ah, drinking tonight. You are in luck. I am an expert designated driver. You are safe with me.”

So they took off. As they approached the first intersection the traffic light turned from green to yellow to red and cabbie sped up.

“Stop, stop,” his passengers yelled, but the cabbie sped through the red light.

“Do not worry my friends. As I told you, I am an expert designated driver.”

Another intersection approached, another red light, more cries to stop. The cabbie zoomed through the intersection.

“Relax my friends. I told you, I am an expert designated driver.”

They rode along for a while without passing any traffic signals. Up ahead the passengers saw a green light. The cabbie stomped on the brakes and they came to a screeching stop.

“It was a green light! Why did you stop?” the passengers screamed.

“I looked down the cross street and I thought I saw another expert designated driver.”

Speaking ‘Cat’

Cats, Essay, Humor, Opinion, Video, ,

Through my many years of cat ownership, I feel confident to say that I understand ‘Cat’ speak.

You see, cats are very self-centered. It’s all about them.

Meow? (Rising) … Me?

Me-yow? (Rising) … (For) Me ?

Myow myow (emphatic) … Me (too) me (too)

MYOW (short) … (Leave) Me (Alone)

Myew (quiet) … (Who) Me?

Myew myew … (Luv) Me (luv) Me

MEOW (Desperate) … (Feed) Me

• • •

Try out your new-found knowledge of ‘cat speak’ on the following video …

Time Warp

Blogging, Economic Issues, Edits and Updates, Essay, History, Humor, News, Social Issues, Technology, , , , , , , ,

With a bit of a mind flip, you’re into the time-slip, and nothing can ever be the same.

~ Rocky Horror Picture Show, 1975

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Let’s do the Time Warp again

Several posts ago, I told you that I had figured out how to schedule posts into the future. If you look at the posting time for all of the TNW – Day nn chapters, you will see that they are all posted, that is scheduled, for Sunday at 2:00 AM.

20140309-234701.jpg

Except for TNW – Day 45

When I tried to schedule it for 2 AM, the 2 was grayed out. No matter how hard I tried, it would jump back to 1 or ahead to 3. It was frustrating, but I ended up scheduling it for 1:05 AM and thought nothing more about it.

It just occurred to me a short while ago …

2 AM didn’t exist.

The 2 o’clock hour didn’t exist.

With a bit of a mind flip, you’re into the time-slip, and nothing can ever be the same.

• • •

What would aliens say when told Earthlings shift clocks twice a year to fool themselves into thinking there’s more sunlight.

~ Neil deGrasse Tyson via Twitter

Hank The Cow Dog

Essay, Fiction, History, Humor, Reblog, , ,

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http://hankthecowdog.com

The Hank the Cowdog series began as a self-publishing venture in his garage in 1982 and has endured to become one of the nation’s most popular series for children and families. Through the eyes of Hank the Cowdog, a smelly, smart-aleck Head of Ranch Security, Erickson gives readers a glimpse of daily life on a ranch in the West Texas Panhandle. USA Today calls the series “the best family entertainment in years.”

Continue reading Hank The Cow Dog →